Self-Compassion

A counterintuitive approach to increasing motivation

Self-Compassion is not a word that first comes to mind when thinking about high performance. In fact, it might make you cringe a little. A growing body of research points to the benefits of self-compassion for motivation and well-being, two cornerstones of consistent high performance.

I recently read Self-compassion in Sport for Courage and Performance by former Olympian and current high-performance coach, Dr. Amy Baltzell. Baltzell builds on the work of Dr. Kristen Neff, the pioneer of self-compassion, by bringing self-compassion into the world of high performance.

In this week’s 3 Point’s, I’ll introduce Self-Compassion, the research that runs counter to what we may currently think, and a quick exercise to build awareness.

1. What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is a way of relating to oneself that is positive, accepting, and understanding (Neff, 2003), which research has shown runs counter to the often harshly critical and overly evaluative tactics engaged by many athletes. Additionally, self-compassion as opposed to self-esteem is not built on comparison to others.

Self-Compassion consists of 3 key components, as explained by Dr. Baltzell:

• Self-Kindness: Self-kindness means being kind and understanding to oneself (even when feeling inadequate or experiencing setbacks), wishing for one’s own well-being, and having an accepting, non-judgmental attitude toward oneself. The “non-judgment” is not about having an absence of spontaneous self-criticism (e.g., “You idiot, you never do things right”). But, instead, self-compassion includes a kind response to all suffering that is occurring – including spontaneous, harsh self-criticisms and judgments.

• Common humanity: Common humanity is defined as being conscious that experiences are shared by all human beings rather than the individual feeling unique and disconnected from others when they fail. With a self-compassionate approach, failures do not have to be something that causes isolation, but instead, can interconnect and unite us with others.

• Mindfulness: Mindfulness, when applied to personal suffering, includes being mindful of one’s own suffering, conscious of one’s psychological pain, and taking a well-balanced approach to negative experiences so that painful feelings are neither avoided nor dramatized.

It is also important to understand what self-compassion is not, and as Dr. Baltzell puts it,

“Self-compassion is not a form of self-pity, a form of making excuses and a weakness.”

2. Why self-compassion?

We often think of being critical of ourselves as a way to push us forward and motivate us to be better. As it turns out, there may be a better way. In a series of four experiments done at Cal Berkeley, the authors examined the hypothesis that self-compassion motivates people to improve personal weaknesses, moral transgressions, and test performance. They found that self-compassion led to increased self-improvement motivation. Unlike other approaches that lead to deflated self-assessments, self-compassion allows for a nonjudgemental context to confront negative aspects of self and strive to better them.

Further, while research in sport populations primarily draws from correlational studies, the research has found that self-compassion is beneficial for athletes’ well-being and their ability to deal with sport adversities.

3. Build your awareness with an exercise from Dr. Baltzell:

• Consider a time when a teammate or fellow coach felt really bad about themself and struggled during practice or competition. Think about or write down how you would treat this teammate/coach including what they would say to them and what type of tone you would use.

• Next, consider a scenario or circumstance when you felt bad about yourself or struggled in practice or competition. How did you respond to yourself in these situations, including the words and tone used?

Notice a difference?